Posts by Mark Schultz
The Muppets take Manhattan (Fifth Avenue, to be specific)
By Mark Schultz, written on Dec. 2, 2008
For those of you at a loss for what to get your loved one/family member/milkman this Christmas, look no further than the land of the giant pianos, a.k.a FAO Schwarz. I thought Schwarz had gone out of business at least a year ago, but apparently, not only are they still in business, they’re innovating.
Check out this article on The New York Times website.
Schwarz’s original Fifth Avenue store is “the only place in the world” where you can build your own Muppet from a sizable amount of ears, noses, hair and unnatural skin colors. But don’t worry, for those of you who don’t live in the big Apple, an online Build-your-own-Muppet store will soon be available. The upside of this, of course, is the ability to build a Muppet that looks close to yourself.
The downside? You’ll probably be without a good chunk of cash and will own a damn Muppet that doesn’t look anything like you.
Heidi and Spencer get married
By Mark Schultz, written on Nov. 25, 2008
Yes, it has finally happened: the shocking pinnacle of the most volatile pseudo-celebrity relationship since Verne Troyer and that woman, whats-her-name. John McCain’s favorite endorsers Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag eloped to Cabo (Cabo! whoo!) San Lucas last Thursday, according to The Superficial, Perez Hilton and many others.
I wish the couple many years of connubial bliss filled with arcade game marathons, arguments over who’s alienated more of their friends and tense Thanksgiving dinners with Heidi’s hated sister.
Turtle’s in love
By Mark Schultz, written on Nov. 17, 2008
So it turns out goofy, somewhat obnoxious fat guys can land hot girls outside the realm of “According to Jim,” “Still Standing” and “Knocked Up.” Jerry Ferrara, the actor who plays Turtle on HBO’s “Entourage,” recently appeared in an episode arc with Jamie-Lynn Sigler, a.k.a Meadow Soprano. My elation at Turtle finally getting laid seemed to overshadow the fact that, in real life, no reasonable girl would ever call him for a booty call, right? However, it turns out Ferrara and Sigler hit it off in real life, according to rumors from Page Six magazine, who witnessed the couple making out at a party in Hollywood.
Sigler herself isn’t exactly denying the rumors. “Ferrara is a very special person,” she said. Yes, I’m sure he is, but I didn’t think he was that kind of special. I figured he was more great-at-rolling-tulips special.
I wish the new couple the best of luck, and for a more extended discussion of this inexplicable pairing, check out my gossip column on Thursday.
‘Super Obama World’
By Mark Schultz, written on Nov. 10, 2008
Fans of the 1991 Super Nintendo game “Super Mario World,” fans of Barack Obama and fans of politically satirical video games will enjoy SuperObamaWorld.com. At the site, you control Barack Obama as he collects American flag coins, jumps over pigs (presumably wearing lipsticks) and avoids Sarah Palin in a snowmobile. There are only three levels available right now, but according to the site, more should be coming soon, including Illinois and Washington D.C. stages. I am both excited and terrified to see if Zensoft, the game’s creators, will attempt to make their Obama World as big as Mario’s. An Obama Star World, perhaps?
Palin gets Punk’d
By Mark Schultz, written on Nov. 4, 2008
As the Presidential election approaches, I thought I’d blog about something outside my usual purview of celebrity gossip/TV show finale/”Simpsons” episode list. According to The Superficial, among others, Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin was recently the victim of a prank phone call by Quebec radio DJs. One of the Canucks pretended to be French president Nicolas Sarkozy, and managed to chat with an oblivious Palin for more than five minutes.
This is an arts blog, so it’s not my place to editorialize within the political spectrum. However, I think we can all agree it’s a little offputting that a goofy DJ with a bad French accent can easily fool not only Palin but her secretary, whose job it is to keep out the riffraff. If I call and do my best Alexi de Sadesky from “Dr. Strangelove” impression, will Palin think I’m Vladimir Putin?
So when you head to the polls today, keep this question in mind: is Palin the woman you want answering a prank call to the White House at 3 a.m.?
Top five “Treehouse of Horror” episodes…The Mark Schultz edition
By Mark Schultz, written on Oct. 28, 2008
Last year around Halloween, Michael Passman compiled his ultimate “Treehouse of Horror” episode. You can read that article here.http://www.michigandaily.com/content/michael-passman-simpsons-halloween-hall-fame
It was creative enough to have a “make-your-own-episode,” but, in the spirit of the season, I think the series deserves its own top five list. Therefore, submitted for your approval, here are my five favorite episodes of the series. There may be some overlap with Passman’s column and I should tell you, in the interest of full disclosure, that I haven’t seen the most recent two episodes. But I think the time I’ve invested in watching the majority of these episodes qualifies me as one of U of M’s foremost authorities on Halloween “Simpsons” episodes. Which is certainly nothing to be proud of.
5. “Treehouse of Horror XII” (originally aired 2001) I have to put in the token post-2000 episode to prove I’m not some sort of “Simpsons” elitist who looks down my nose at anyone who has thoroughly enjoyed the last four seasons. But this episode is actually very amusing. It’s bizarre and gross even by “Treehouse” standards, and contains a spoof of sci-fi classics “Demon Seed” and “2001″ featuring Pierce Brosnan as a charming talking house who lures Homer to his death by frying bacon. What can I say, the computer knows the man’s soft spots.
Hit the jump for the rest of the list.
Read the rest of this entry »
“M” alum to be featured on VH1’s “The Pickup Artist”
By Mark Schultz, written on Oct. 13, 2008
Last Fall, I wrote a little piece about VH1’s new ‘reality’ show “The Pickup Artist.”
The show became relatively popular, especially with slightly nerdy college students such as myself, whose slight lack of social graces all of a sudden looked positively minuscule compared to a guy named Spoon who seemed incapable of making small talk with anyone lacking a Y-chromosome. However, I think the mass appeal of the show lies in the uncanny amount of sociological and psychological thought head “artist” Mystery puts into meeting girls, something I think most guys do on pure instinct. And when Mystery breaks down the whole game, he unwittingly reveals how pathetic and phony the rules of attraction really are.
But that’s neither here nor there. If nothing else, watch the show, which airs Sunday at 10 p.m. on VH1, to see “U” Alum Kevin Feng, the self-proclaimed strikeout king. Perhaps Kevin has a higher failure rate than most of us, but, at a school where a full 43% of students say they haven’t had sex, he’s not exactly atypical in terms of sexual naivete. So perhaps we can all learn a little something from a man bold enough to display his lack of prurience in the national spotlight. I know I can.
Video Game Designers Try to Encourage Reading, R.L. Stine Breathes A Sigh of Relief
By Mark Schultz, written on Oct. 6, 2008
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but today’s youth aren’t reading much. Why read, play outside or even leave your house when there are so many different things to stare at, from televisions to video games to computer screens?
Fortunately, game designers like PJ Haarsma are attempting to integrate video games and force kids to read something besides a game instruction booklet. Check out this article at nytimes.com:
Haarsma’s game allows players to advance by answering questions from a companion novel. Other games, like the new series “The 39 Steps” don’t offer an incentive to read, but instead offer the narrative complexity and challenging puzzles that one may encounter reading, say, Vladimir Nabokov. “You can’t just make a book anymore,” Haarsma tells the Times. That may be true, which is a damn shame.
Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds Married; Millions of Guys and Fourteen Girls Cry
By Mark Schultz, written on Sep. 29, 2008
As a gossip columnist, I have an innate sense that alerts me whenever there’s a rustle in the thicket of celebrity love. Usually it’s a tickle in my right arm, accompanied by numbness (although last time that was just a stroke). So I knew right away, before I checked the interweb, that, according to People Magazine, Scarlett Johansen had wed Ryan Reynolds in a small ceremony this weekend in Vancouver.
Sounds nice. A beautiful A-list actress marrying a slightly less attractive (but certainly not ugly) and less famous (but certaintly not unknown) guy, in a small ceremony void of paparazzi or celebrity guests. I wish them the best of luck, and hope the three months before their annulment are the best of their lives.
“John Adams” Wins 13 Emmys
By Mark Schultz, written on Sep. 22, 2008
Last night, HBO’s seven-part miniseries “John Adams” broke the record for most Emmy’s by a made-for-TV movie, winning 13. “Adams” bested the previous high of 11 held by the 2004 series “Angels in America,” which also aired on HBO.
“Adams,” which starred Paul Giamatti (”Fred Claus”) as the titular politician and Laura Linney (”The Savages” as his wife Abigail, was based on a book of the same name by historian David McCullough.
Network TV-wise, NBC’s (commercially) underrated sitcom “30 Rock” cleaned up, winning seven awards, including two for Tina Fey: Best Writing in a Comedy Series and Best Actress in a Comedy Series. AMC’s critical darling “Mad Men” won two awards, while “The Daily Show” won its sixth straight Emmy for Best Variety Show.
For the complete winners list, click here.